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Wednesday, September 10th, 2008
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EMOFEST IS OVER. im so happy to have gotten that out of my system. getting it all written down and talking through it with carmen and brandon really helped. i love you guys so much<3 ive officially told work im leaving on the 29th. i cant wait to get back to the island. i dont feel so bad about work right now. my chest has still been hurting, but i cant do anything about it. i just had a really good day. it suprised me. maybe to pretty much crash through the floor was what i needed. im thinkg i could stay there longer if i had to. and yeah, i sure as fuck can open my own business! HASHAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!I AM FUCKING WOMAN. HERE ME ROAR!!!!!!!!
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things just dont seems to be going well. im noticing more and more my habit to quit when things get hard or stressful. thinking that maybe this isnt what im suited for, but if i leave this behind...what do i have left? i feel so helpless, useless........ive started getting chest pains when i go to work. the closer i get to it, the more it hurts, and it scares the hell out of me. i thought it was something i was naturally good at and that i didn't really have to try. but i dont have this crazy drive to compete or really go outside of my box. it's not my life. if it's all i do, then i feel like something's missing.
after i had my review with jenn, i really tried. and everything was going good until friday. i snapped without even realizing it. i was in the middle of mood swings i didnt even realize were happening and it was the second day in a row of my chest pains and i hadnt slept the night before. i had a huge list in front of me, and no idea how to do anything but vegetables...so terrified of fucking up. the pain in my chest was getting worse, and it felt like i couldnt breathe enough. my chest was getting tight, i was breathing faster, and i was trying to calm down with tea. i felt like shit and chef asked me if i wanted to go home. i said no, i cant turn down money. i worked the rest of the day in fear and anxiety just wanting to leave. i didnt want to tell chef or anyone about the pain or how scared i was. im so afraid of sounding fake and of them thinking im some useless little kid. i dont want to let anyone down by leaving just because theres a little pain in my chest. i went to the walk-in after work. the doctor says it might be stress related, i said bullshit. maybe it had to do with my newfound allergy to ginger. he was right. i cant even think about work without some hint of pain right now. i just feel so alone in that kitchen. like i have to have my head down, not speak, go as fast as possible, not fuck up, ask minimal questions, be invisible. no one's on my side. they're just friendly co-workers. i cant tell any of them this. i actually cant spill my guts to anyone. its like no one is equipped to deal with overwhleming emotions anymore. so you just have to keep it in and deal with it on your own. i feel safer when jenn and sean are around. but jenn's been on vacation, and sean is gone now. i cant wait to tell her im leaving on the 29th.
saturday afternoon.....i walk in. chef says he wants to talk to me after i get changed. no one ever wants to talk to you unless you've done something wrong. im immediatley nervous and in pain. i try and tell myself itll be harmless. i knew it wouldnt be. my attitude i didnt even know i had until i got here had gotten the better of me. i was doing so good. jenn said i was going better and was happy with what i was doing. i felt good about talking about it with katherine. but that one day made all of my efforts go to shit. i dont know what to do anymore. my attitude is the only thing that would keep him from hiring me. im affecting his crew. theres been multiple complaints. im ruining this crew of amazing people. i shouldnt be here. tom talked to me about it before.....i didnt cry in front of him. i held it in until i got home. i cried for hours. in front of chef...i tried so hard not to cry. i bit my tongue so hard, i tried not to look at him. but the tears just fell in waves. i couldnt say a word. he told me not to take is personally. how? i was going for employee of the month. not even possible. its so far away i cant even see it anymore. this overshadows everything ive done. i was supposed to do a review with jenn before she left. it wouldve been good. now? im totally fucked. i cant wipe the slate clean in little under 3 weeks. no one is on my side. i cant talk to anyone. in a city of a million people i cant tell this to anyone face to face. after our conversation, i cried in the bathroom for half an hour. all my makeup came off, my eyes were all puffy and bloodshot, my nose red, and my throat was dry. i shouldnt be a cook. i cant handle this. i dont want to be here. i have to get away. i cant stay in this city. all i want is someone to hold me and tell me its gonna be alright.
everyone there is so amazing. i dont fit in. all i can think of is leaving. then the person who almost makes me want to stay walks in. i cant read him. i wonder what would happen, but its not worth it. im done sacrificing myself for people who dont care about me. i dont feel like even trying anymore. its so tiring, and it doesnt matter by this point, so i shouldnt bother yeah? i can say that but ive already started trying, but in a meek way. all my confidence has been taken away from me. everything i do is wrong. people talking to me like im 12 in the high almost customer service voice, but more condescending. like people cant talk to me like im a normal human being. everything seems a lot colder there..maybe its my fault. i dont know. will everyone be happy im gone? i think some might miss me, and some might think its for the best. i wonder if ill ever talk to these people again.
so after my saturday shift and all the crying. i ran to the horseshoe bay express, caught the last ferry, and landed in nanaimo. all i had with me was whatever was in my bag. my heart nearly burst with joy when i saw the nanaimo lights. the ferry couldnt land fast enough. i nearly knocked over my mom wheni saw her. then i nearly hugged the life out of carmen. those 24 hours were exactly what i needed. i dont know what wouldve happened if i went home that night. after i had my first talk with tom, i went home, cried, and ended up cutting myself. hows that for a revisit to grade 10? nobody knew. and if you read this. keep it to yourself. i dont know how to deal with all of this. my future is all hazy. i dont think i can open my own business. i dont know if i should take culinary second year. im not happy where i am in life right now......i really just want a hug.
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only 3 more months of school left this year. pastries, a la carte, and meat cutting. then im off to what i hope to be vancouver. i have an interview on the 18th with the goldfish pacific kitchen. but i think that because i want to be there so badly, there's no way i cant get in. failure is not an option.
but yeah, school's great, social life is awesome, no job currently but i have an interview in a few days at kelsey's. the only current issue going on is that mike is being a total creeper to my friend alex. she's told him she doesn't like him and to stop messaging her. and he hasn't let up one bit! he drove to parksville, met her at work, and gave her a bouquet of flowers!jesus christ........... he's never been this bad before. i dont really even want to talk to him right now...im kind of ashamed to be his friend at the moment. i just feel bad for alex.
in other news, ive gotten back into video games. i didnt think id find another series that could get me SO into the game that i could just play it for hours on end. tales of symphonia is my new addiction. it has an anime-ish intro movie when you turn on the game, but then its just regular graphics from then on. and it really doesn't matter. the characters are pretty well developed and the story is amazing. i've got 30+ hours on this game so far and im still on the first disc.
im so stoked on life its ridiculous! byahfhabhjbfjaskfh!<3 love you guys. see most of you this weekend in victoria.
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Tuesday, November 27th, 2007
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Ah. the snow brings with it the beginning of the pastries sections. Hot meats ended on a very high-energy note. we catered a 7 course meal for 250 for the festival on trees on friday. it was a fucking blast. i helped plate every single course and got to eat the extras, the dessert was really good. And today I got my marks for the section overall.
practical :91, 91, 92, 91. theory:92, 97, 78. All my work habits are the highest they can be (S+). And my final marks was 90%! Katie got an A! yay!
I'm only on my second day of pastries. but its pretty cool so far. we've made apple pie from sratch, french bread, cream puffs, bavarian cream, among other things. I bought the pie. it was really good.
yesterday we had a trial competetion for the hot competition in january. i made some mistakes, but the overall impression was that it had good seasoning, good taste, and i put in a lot of effort. the plate ended up being huge because im used to making plates for earl's and home. those people eat a lot.... me and a few other people are getting a second chance at going to the competition. we get to go again in a cook-off next monday. im going to cut the portion size by about 1/2 or 2/3. and get rid of a few things. i just have to throw together some new starches and veg, and keep the protein relatively the same.
ahhh. not too much else is going on. chris made a total prat of himself at the party. he was so down on himself saying his life sucks etc. and it just didnt let up. i dont know if he was drunk or what. first , im outside drunk and stoned and he comes out to talk to me and asks if im jealous of him liking sasja. it took all my willpower not to laugh out loud. it seemed so egotistical the way he asked. like we was expecting to me to break down and say that i liked him or something. and later, while on the couch, he had his head in my lap complaining and be all emo. i finally got fed up with it and told him to shut up and stop being a fag. for any of you who know who kemal is and how socially awkward he is, chris kemalled it up big time at jamie's on friday. sometime after flailing and knocking stuff off the boozemas tree and banging his head on the door, he walked home from the divers lake area around 12 i think.
upcoming things: katrina comes to town for holidays in december.
my holidays start dec 19. making sushi for a party december 8th. party for the furukawa students at barsby dec.8th(not the sushi party). cook-off round2 dec 3. moving jan. 1. back to school jan 2.
thats all i got. see ya~
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Thursday, November 8th, 2007
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october:
garde manger: cold kitchen(salads, pasta, grains, rice, sandwiches,veg etc.)
Chef: Rigollet. Oldest chef there. Frenchman who knows all the old ways of cooking. Still up and around though he scalded his foot in hot water a few weeks ago. Hard to understand, so close attention is required. He's quick to anger and yell. Only chef i know to make someone cry so far. very hard man to please. but when you succeed. it's pretty damn sweet. getting a smile out of this guy in the kitchen is really hard. when we're in theory, he laughs, he jokes, he's a funny guy. but it's all business upstairs. he wants stuff done a certain way. no if ands or buts. you fail, you're fucked. getting a good grade is so hard. the test are hard, and even if you did study, it doesn't even feel like it. my theory wasn't that good. but i didn't fail. my final mark ended up being a C+ i think. which is better than some people got. i dont think ive heard of anyone getting an A in that section yet. now that im out of his section. i like him a lot more. when i talked to him about my final marks. he said he's interested to see what im like when i come back as a senior.
halloween was fun. partied at corey's house as per usual.i saw across the universe twice because it's such an awesome movie. there's still no particular person im interested in. i dont have the energy to chase boys.
november:
hot meats:fish, poultry, dry/moist meats, thick/thin soups, stocks
chef: Pelletier
I LOVE THIS SECTION.chef P is pretty cool. you dont get docked marks for asking questions. and he's always going around asking how everything is going and helping if needed. he's pretty open to ideas about trying new dishes too. i started off in dry meats. i did at least 3 days of that week on the grill. it was super hot. it turned my entire arm red just from HEAT. not fire, not even touching something. just heat. it stayed like from about 11am-9pmish. it was insane. the end product was delicious though. im pretty good at grilling ^^ then i go to moist meats. i made this amazing braised corned beef with root vegetables and a grainy mustard veloute sauce. it was so amazing. i've been getting a lot of compliments on my food. i also got to make a really tasty tzatziki sauce. im pretty much a pro at it now. this weeks ive been on soups. cream of mushroom soup, my favorite soup ever. and it was an awful day. i didnt have the right kind of stock, or enough of it. i couldnt make enough. the veloute wasn't thickening up, i forgot to saute mushroom for the bottom of the pot. it was awful. a lot of people had problems that day. so for this whole week. we've all kicked into high gear making sure we had every we need the day before, doing our mise en place, and checking our recipes. so aside from that soup. this week's been awesome. i've made the cream of mushroom, curried carrot puree, BEEF BORSCHT, and strachiatella(egg drop soup). All of my soups beat Kourts except for the last one. he had split pea soup. i had no chance. i had so many compliments on the borscht. a few of the chefs(pelletier and rigollet) came back for seconds. a lot of seniors took some and i even had one lady come back today and ask to speak to the girl who made the borscht because she liked it so much. kourt coudlnt find me. so i didnt get to talk to her. but the borscht was really good. i've never had it. my mark for last week was 91% :D it's an A im super stoked. chef said he just wants everyone to be faster and that he always holds marks back in the first week. he told me to keep going exactly what im doing. i also got 92% on my first test. im finding this section to be be giving me a really big boost of confidence. rigollet makes you unsure of everything. he's asked me a few questions just to mess with me and make sure i knew what i was doing. i stood my ground. and i was right.
still the baker at earl's. i quit DnD. im going to start english 12 again soon because i need a higher mark to get into culinary arts 2nd year. im still trying to see if i can get my working co-op in japan. it'd be amazing if i could. ive found a few hotels that are right near my host family's house. ive been researching these places and hotel chains for ones in kyoto. so far there's 2 im really interested in. and one of them is about a 5 minute walk from the house. in december the hotels come to interview students and explain how it works. so i think im going to ask the WEstin hotel rep about working at the westin miyako branch in kyoto.
AND. i get to sleep in tomorrow. i've been counting down for a month. im so excited>.< and not only that. im only at school for 2 hours and it's CHEESE TASTING. yeah, you read that right. then i get to see katrina on saturday<3 and more sleep on monday~~~~~happy.
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Sunday, September 9th, 2007
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wow, i never post, and i know that people think i dont read there entries or ever look at my friends page. but i read it every single day. i love keep up to date with everyone. so here's my update.
School:
i've started malaspina's culinary arts program as of aug 13. im in my first section which is breakfast/meat cutting. i've only had to take orders and be the sous chef so far, but it's been decent. we've been getting out really late though....the class starts at 6am on mondays, and 6:30 every other day. so when i work at 7 on weekends and wake up at 6:30, im actually sleeping in. ive made some new friends in my classes. i actually wasnt expecting to, but im glad i did. they're not the kind of friends i would hang out with outside of school. but definetly cool people, so that might come later. ive also come to realize im horrible with fish( and hate how cutting it makes me smell fishy for hours...), and im a pretty good chicken cutter.
Work:
pretty much the same. I'm the weekend baker because all my classes are in the morning. its not too bad. we always get overtime though....which is good and bad. we keep losing people. so if any of you think you want to work in the front or back of a kitchen. come to earl's. im putting up a poster at the college too.
<3: really long and girly. you've been warned
if any of you have to been to curious comics lately, you've probably seen the younger guy that works there. that's conner. not the creepy old man. that's dan. it's so crazy. i talk with dan about a lot of things that i dont discuss with a lot of other people. we're tight. anyway. conner. i had a crush on him about a month or so ago if any of you remember me telling you or something. it was him and some bike tech guy. then one night i decided that boys were stressing me out too much, and i chose to stop liking both of them. note : *chose*, not *waited. damn proud of myself. so that was clear and good. then on the last day of august, i learned, is when curious does it's year end inventory. chris said he was helping out the night before on the phone. he also told me there was a super nintendo for sale downtown. so i said id stop by curious after i bought it. so i got there around 3ish. i bought my comics and talked with the guys. chris was being all pathetic and clingy because he hadnt seen me in a while and he was sick... so i was being frequently grabbed and cuddled during my stay. it wasn't my intention to help them with inventory. but i started around 3:30, and we ended just before 8. it was pretty cool. we shut down the store, ordered pizza, got drinks, and played music. dan's friend richard starting helping shortly after i did. so we chilled on the floor talking about weird and gross things while mowing down on pizza like all civilized folk. we used cardboard sheets as plates :P i counted the entired first side of the manga, all the posters, the glass case, and all the cards. HOLY WOW. it was insane. but as the night went on i just noticed little things conner was doing. like poking me in the sides, lending me v for vendetta, patting me on the head, driving me to sarah's after inventory was done. i was originally gonna take the bus the sarah's. but conner offered me a ride there instead. it was like almost as soon as i walked in the store that day it hit me all over again why i liked him. he even asked if he could smoke in his own car. he's also given me a cd that i said sounded cool. i was commenting on his music right before sarah's and he said if i liked it so much, he'd make me a mixed cd^^ i thought it was pretty cute. then we move into tuesday. i stopped by after school just cause. i talked to dan. checked out some new things. and while we were talking, he just walked up really close to me and said he was talking to conner about 2 weeks ago and he said he was thinking of asking me out. this came up because dan had asked him if he ever thought of dating any of the girls who come in. so from then on, i've pretty much been all smiles. we also discussed that the reason he hasn't done anything is because he sees chris as a threat. especially because of friday when he was all cuddly. i told dan to tell conner not to worry about chris. i later found out that conner thought we had dated and that he was a kind of clingy ex-boyfriend or something similar. so on thursday i went in to get new comics. what dan said gave me this weird kind of confidence. the day ended with me asking conner if he wanted to watch die hard or something that night after work. he said some other girl wanted to hang out with him that night, but he could hang out the next night and that i should stop by sometime tomorrow. so i go home and take a bit of a nap. chris calls and says we're going over to cam's hosue to play video games and stuff. so we rent blades of glory(awesome), stop in EB to buy smash bros melee to play, and make a pit-stop at curious to bother conner and so chris can check his box. i stayed pretty silent. i was reading the whole time. i talked to the guys later and they said by the way he was talking about hanging out with that girl he wasn't that into her. still kinda bugged me though.
fri: evil. i had to get up at 5am and go til 1:30 without a break or food. it sucked so bad. and i had only gotten and hour and a half of sleep because the guys wouldnt let me leave, had given me energy drinks, and i just couldnt sleep. so by the time i got there. i was pretty much a zombie. i talked to conner and figured out plans for that night. i asked dan if he told conner anything i said to him a few days ago. he didn't say anything, and i dont know if i want him to. conner sent me home to nap because so i would be somewhat awake later. just as i was leaving he was talking and we ended up in this really weird half-hug with him ruffling my hair.^^ cute. we watched fight club at his house. great movie. we went down the stairs in his yard and ended up right beside long lake. it was really pretty. during the movie im not sure if it was just me but i was moving a tiny bit closer every once in a while...nothing happened though. he drove me home around 1am and i hugged him goodbye and ruffled his hair for payback before getting out. i havent seen a lot of great movies. so we're slowly going to fix that. he also roped me into playing DnD..... so he asked for my e-mail so he could contact me. i added my number too. i also invited him to a party at cam's on the 21st. that'll be interesting. ill probably have more cutesy related postings soon... sorry! love you guys<3
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Wednesday, June 13th, 2007
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hey everyone, i don't post often, but i figured this was news worthy.
I got into Malaspina's Culinary Arts Program last thursday :D I got 47/50 on my assessment test(you need 35 to pass), and i wrote my personal profile. i had to wait around for an hour or so until my interview started. so i went and checked out prices on all the equipment i'll need to buy for the course, among which is a $200 knife set. so im going to use my paychecks up to the point of the program starting to knock some of that stuff off my list. so while i was waiting i ran into peter loi and he showed me around the cafeteria and where my interview was and stuff. he was in my foods class and started the program back in january. so me and one other guy had an info session of sorts and one of the instructors told us all about the program and answered all of out questions. we got a tour of the lab and the upstairs kitchen. the lab is really sweet. it has induction heating :3. so if you put your hand to it, it's cool, but if you put a pot onto it, it heats up. then if you touch it again, it's still cool, but the pot is hot. the upstairs kitchen is massive! i saw a guy from work up there. after that we had individual interviews. the guy who interviewed me was chef rogers. he does the a la carte part of the program. it's the 1-9pm shift. he really liked me and he said i was the kind of person they want in the program and that he looks forward to working with me in august. i don't know if i start in early or late august though. and i might be able to get $1000 scholarship from SSA. that would help out a lot. i hope i can get it.
and to katrina. I HAVE VOLUME 24.<3
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it seems the island's weather is against me when i try to go to victoria. grey hound is on strike, but luckily pacific coach lines are still going on the island. it was however, pouring rain for most of the time i was there.
so saturday night i went to metric concert at teh curling club. i didn't even care about metric. i went because theset was playing and i found out later metric was headlining. so i was like "theset is playing? yess. metric's headlining? that's cool. dododo". i didn't care much. theset was excellent. some drunken jerk and his girlfriend kept making out in the pit and elbowing me in the head. i got to hear their new song 'echohead' and 'never odd or even' live though. so i was happy about that. the next band kinda sucked and the pit smelled like pot and BO so i went to the back of the arena.
i met a girl named sasha who's from vancouver while i was sitting at the back. she's really nice and we exchanged e-mails and whatnot. she invited me to go see the buffy musical over in vancouver on June 2nd, but i might not get the day off. it might be too late. but ill see. i also met her friend josh, who's also a theset/metric/buffy fan. he seemed nice. i wish i couldve stayed and hung out longer, but i didn't want to keep lewis and katrina up much longer. it was almost 11 when it ended.
so when metric played, i went up with sasha and we kinda stayed near the back, at the time. but then people came up ehind us and we were around the middle, but not crowded. before they started playing, i didnt really know what all the hype was about. but metric was really good actually. and emily hanes(vocalist), is so freaking cute. she seems kinda awkward when she talks, and she dances funny. she the kind of people who would be cool as a friend. they were also playing stuff they were still in the process of writing which i thought was awesome. we kind of ditched out of the crowd early to go chill and breathe actual air by the merch tables.
i ended up buying a theset sweater with an elephant on it, a shirt of theirs, a bright green metric shirt, a button pack, and both of metric's cds. it was a pretty good haul. the girls minding the theset merch table were really nice. they liked how enthusiastic i was about them and they gave me a red bull :3
hanging out with katrina and lewis was really fun even though it was raining. we went walking downtown, i saw darth vader violin man even though he wasn't playing : ( we played video games and had wraps and sushi on sat. katrina made this really good oatmeal for breakfast and we went to a place called spinnakers for dinner. i was eyeing up their kitchen because im leaning towards towards moving to victoria and getting a job here. so im checking out restaurants down there. they had an open kitchen, so me and katrina checked it out for a bit. they started looking at me funny.......
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prom was pretty wicked sweet. we danced like mad. ate way too much evil chocolate cake, at least nick did anyway. by the time we go to the pool hall we were dead. got changed at sasja's then headed for trevor's. ate sandwiches and watched the boys play the Wii. back to sasja's. we didn't start drinking til about 3:30am. cause we're cool like that. i made screwdrivers(vodka and orange juice). i was tipsy, but not hammered, unlike norm. he was a total lighweight : P
we had this unnecessarily dramatic talk while he was drunk. we decided to call it off. shook hands. blahblahblah. all in all, im a lot happier. i was just waiting for him to say something. but pretty much this whole time i was thinking "yeah, we're going to break up on prom".
but it didn't ruin the night or day at all. no way in hell. but i do think i need someone older and more mature. pfft, 3 younger boys and 3 let downs. oh well. they were kinda fun while they lasted. this time there just wasn't any spark in it for me. it was more just going through the motions you know? i think he may just end up being one of those people i have lengthly conversations with sometimes. there's no malice or anything with us, i don't think. i was kind of a jerk by accident. i totally can't take a compliment. i dont know whether to wave it away and tell them they're wrong, or accept it and say thank you and seem full of myself?........oh well
it's just kinda funny that's it easier, and funner for me to make-out with one of my best friends,than my boyfriend. it was a lot more comfortable. i feel safe cause its fun and nothing's gonna happen.
in work news. we hired jay smitka as our new dish guy. he's a pretty awesome guy. needless to say, i kinda turn into a huge flirt around him. he's cute, funny, and smart.what's not to like? single too. i had a girl at work ask him : P
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apan was amazing. i have hundreds of photos and i spent about $1000 or so there. a good chunk of it was on gifts. i wish it didn't take so long to get there, the 11 plane ride there almost drives you insane, and you don't want to go back because the 9 hour plane ride back is even worse. and we had this horrible "omelette", which made me really really sick and i was quite unhappy.
i miss my kyoto homestay mom a lot. more than my actual mom. i want to go back there so badly. we went from osaka airport to kyoto for 3 days, then to himeji for a day where i got violently sick, then to furukawa for 3 days on the bullet train, then from furukawa we went to our final destination tokyo. we went to shibuya, harajuku, tokyo government building(taller than tokyo tower and it's free), old city tokyo(where our hostel was, and to akihabara. there was a lot of shopping involved. i got some art supplies from akiba, clothes from harajuku, and just had a generally fun time minus our jerk of a chaperone and 2 jerks on our team. me and layth just kinda stayed together and had a pretty decent time.
after so many homestay meals, im kind of sick of japanese food. but i really do like traditional japanese meals. thats all i had in kyoto, and i really enjoyed it. i even got to make dinner with my host mom on the last night! after i left kyoto, i cried for about an hour.
in recent news, as of tuesday, i officially have a boyfriend that im super psyched about. and we're going to prom together at the end of april. besides that, i've been extremely sick. from tuesday night to saturday morning, i didn't even leave my house or put on shoes. the only reason i did saturday was that i woke up screaming with an ear infection, so i went my granny's and she put oil in my ear and gave my pain killers. woot. and i figured out that to walk properly, i HAVE to be wearing shoes, so even if im just chillin around the house, ill be wearing shoes now. im so psyched that i can walk without limping while im wearing these though.
im done!
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Thursday, March 15th, 2007
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im back around 2;30 on sunday at the nanaimo airport.
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Monday, December 25th, 2006
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I'm in such a good place right now. I haven't been this content with anything for a long, long time. Here we go. (not in order of importance)
1. I finally put my 2 weeks notice in at McD's. January 7th is my last day and i can't do anything but skip down the street in anticipation.
2.I'm learning apps(appetizers. for those unfamiliar with Earl's slang<3). I had a shadow shift on friday, and I have another one on thursday. Kurtis is training me for both. He's not that bad of a teacher either.
3. I submitted a ton of art to the mind's eye that i scanned it from my sketchbook. None of it is amazing yet, but i was playing around in adobe photoshop CS2 which is an amazing progra that im in love with.
4. I'm totally hauling ass at FFXII.
5. Chris and I are in a completely different place now and we are no where best friends or anything anymore. Our whole friendship did a 180, but we're both pretty happy with it. It just seems like I changed a lot in those 3 weeks.
6. I got into the Vanarts MediaArts Boot Camp Program for 2D!!!!!!!!!Yeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah man! . so from feb 19-23 ill be in vancouver taking classes, and the weekend following, ill be in victoria visiting katrina and going to keikon. love.
7. Sore wa himitsu desu ^^
Ja ne
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Comments: Read 2 or Add Your Own.
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Thursday, December 14th, 2006
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So. it's been almost 3 weeks since i've talked to chris. usually, i would've cracked at a week. or a few days. but not this time. i may not even be that mad anymore, now im just not chasing him down out of pride. im the one who usually gives in and tries to make it right. fuck that. if you want the story of how we got to this point, ask. i've only even seen him once since then. it was in curious. i went in with chantelle, he saw me, pointed, and told dan he had to leave. he tried hiding behind a bookshelf, but he fails at being stealthy. i thought he was just being dumb and anti-ninja. i told dan to pass on the message. as a side note: dan is one of my favorite people. he's so cool, and we talk about random shit a lot. and he called chris a rat-fuck bastard, which just makes me happy.
i'm on my 4th week of working at earl's as dishwasher. i like it. except when we get huge parties of like 107....that was not cool. but they're impressed with me and want me moved up when they find my replacement. which is ty by the way. he just got hired today. it's pretty rad i think. i got a gold star on thursday for doing some extra cleaning and actually showing pride in my work : ) i want to work there full time, but mcd's is stilla problem. i'm going back on teh crew schedule starting in jan, which means ill be scheduled week to week, but ill still keep my team leader status. i get a new shirt, it's blue plaid <3 i want to quit there adn be full time at earl's though. at first i didn't really like people there, but i got some friends now. plus when the power went out we made nachos.
so, kemal's brother is pretty sweet. i love layth, and no. i don't LIKE, like him. but he's so sweet and innocent. he's a big puppy that you want to pet. anyway, at the last meeting for the japan trip, he shows up! i was so suprised and excited. we were in the middle of the meeting when he came, but afterward i charged him(and hit my head on his chin^^;;). he wanted to keep it a suprise til the meeting. meanie. but it's so sweet! now i have him and ty going. but because they're boys, they might get split up from me, which sucks a bunch. we've started hanging out a bit. we watched clerks on saturday. its an awesome movie. we also watched a movie he made on the computer from footage him andhis friends took. it was pretty impressive actually. we're gonna hang out again tomorrow hopefully. we're gonna get clerks 2 or serenity. he's been raving about serenity for sucha long time....i've heard good things though. it just sucks that i have to put up with kemal sometimes to get to layth. liek saturday. that was not cool.
my christmas tree is sad. and it has 2 middles.......<3my mom cried over it.
this kinda goes back to the first thing. but have one less best friend around means i have less people to talk to about stuff. i know there's mike, and katrina, adn carmen etc. but i have enough trouble talking as it is. and there's stuff going on in my life that's making me really happy right now. i just kinda want someone to share it with. and it seems whenever i try, there's no one listening. there's also stuff that i'm worrying and wondering about. but there's these things that i've wanted to get out for over a week, just to one person. but i haven't been able to. i tried telling mike about my awesome weekend and some other things, and he just kinda ignored me...and that just did it. i didn't want to talk or sing, i felt like crying, and i just went into this big funk. some people are thinking it's because of chris and i not talking, or him walking out of curious. hell no. that just made me laugh, but i do wonder how we're going to start talking again. i think i just want a solid person right now. someone who's around a lot, who i can talk to and hang out with and feel comfortable around. i just don't feel like a have a really good best friend at the moment. i've got this bottled up feeling.
so, as for that thing that's making me really happy. nobody even knows. it's a combination of me happy at my new job, and something else. it's just be going for the last 2 or so weeks. but i'm just starting to worry about how consistent it's going to be. but i know im being so dumb about it. i just don't want to bring anything up that might ruin it. i just want to tell ONE person, and get there input on it. probably mike. cause he's around. most of the time anyway.....
i hurt my wrist at work : ( i hate putting up chairs.
i bought a new sketchbook that's totally amazing it's big and hardcover leather. oh my god. LOVE. i also bought watercolor paper with it so i can finally finish that really nice painting i've been wanting to do for such a long time. the 2 people on the sidewalk under a streetlamp in the snowing. it's so cute. sadly enough, it's kinda based on me and chris. the people in it just kinda look like us. i like our designs? if that makes any sense. even before him, i drew people with ponytails and long hair. i have a thing for long hair, sue me. and the girl has my scarf because im in love with it. it just kinda clicked, but you can;t even tell the guy has a ponytail with the way i drew it. i hope it turns out okay, i want to submit it to the mind's eye newspaper. i've had 2 things printed in there so far. neither of them were amazing or anything. but there were cool. i got one of 2 people kissing, adn another one of a girl being suspended by her headphones. my mom said it was morbid : P. it's weird how much i can talk about something this early in the morning when nobody's around and i just have stone sour- through glass on repeat. man i love this song. you know how there's songs that you just fall into? this is one of those for me. i just get totally into it. im feeling so artsy right now, i just want to stay up and draw. ive tried it before, didn't work too well. i'll drop in about 30 mins or so. but iv'e started this new 100 themes challenge http://angiechild.efhost.com/100theme/main.html
it's pretty cool. and it just me some ideas instead of just drawing the same crap over and over. my old sketchbook is pathetic. it's curved, the backing isn't attached, adn there's water damage EVERYWHERE. god i hate the west coast sometimes.
heehee west coast. like the phon coast in FFXII. if anybody hasn't already guessed. i love that game so much, and leveling up actually has a point, and multiple outcomes. leveling up for stats so you can kick monster ass. liscense points so you can getting kickass abilties adn so you can equip weapons and armor and use magick(dumb, i know). gathering LOOT. you can sell it for money to buy the super expensive weapons and armor to kick monster ass. items too. plus, the more you sell, the more stuff will show up in THE BAZAAR. oooooo. stuff. plus you get these monograph thingers. apparently they increase the sweetness of the loot you get from certain enemies. oh yeah, i'm in full-on geek mode. what of it?! you wanna go?! pfft. i'll take you on with my quickenings of awesome adn my summon monsters. bitch yeah! i've been leveling up for like......2 days because i went into some wacko *draklor laboratory* and got my ass handed to me by some faggoty imperial soldiers. i don't care if you don't know what the fuck i'm talk about, or even if you read this far(good for you), but when there's only 3 of you, and about 7 or 8 of these freaking soldiers that all seem to zone in on one character at a time and kill them within a few hits, you tend to want to run, but as you run, more join thefuckin' chase. joy to the freaking world! the imperials owned my unleveled and underarmored ass that you can see because my main chick's "skirt" is so short. ugh. ashe needs new clothes. i hope somebody understands this, seriously. but yeah, you get to hunt 'marks' in this sweetass game. people comission you to go hunt shit that they're too scared to. and they have ranks. and there are *elite* marks given to you by the cute little moogle dude named mont blanc which are super hard. im tempted to stop typing right here and going and playing it. but that requires me to be in my bed, and ill fall asleep. which might happen anyway because it's about 2:15. and not 12:34 if you don't know the band theset. you wont even come close to getting that. it's my preferred bedtime. or at least when i try to be in bed and pajamatized.
i need wake-up calls. if anybody wants the job of phoning my house at 7:40 in the morning, that'd be sweetass. cause i kinda dont want to get kicked out of school. i just have no motivation anymore.i almost failed english 1st semester. i know im smarter than that. and apparently so do a lot of people. but i have no motivation. its not what im into. but that doesn't matter. im just happy that my english mark is cumulative and not done by dividing the semesters.it's gonna save my ass so much. i still need to do stuff waaaaaaaay. back from the short stories unit.....oops.
guh. i wish i had a boy. so i could just be like. "hey you. cuddle me<3" it'd be fun. anyway. with that, i'm out. possibly doing something artsy. or doing something similar to the art of sleeping. i've mastered it. man. me and my bed are one sweet team. if you read this far, tell me, cause wow. congratulations.
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Friday, December 1st, 2006
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Friday, October 27th, 2006
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Pure Geek
30 % Nerd, 52% Geek, 26% Dork |
For The Record:
A Nerd is someone who is passionate about learning/being smart/academia.
A Geek is someone who is passionate about some particular area or subject, often an obscure or difficult one.
A Dork is someone who has difficulty with common social expectations/interactions.
You scored better than half in Geek, earning you the title of: Pure Geek.
It's not that you're a school junkie, like the nerd, and you don't really stand out in a crowd, like the dork, you just have some interests that aren't quite mainstream. Perhaps it's anime, perhaps it's computers, perhaps it's bottlecaps, perhaps it's all of those and more. Your interests take you to events and gatherings that are filled with people you find unusual and beyond-the-pale, but you don't quite consider yourself "of that crowd." Instead, you consider yourself to be fairly normal.
Which, you are.
Congratulations! You're the one on the RIGHT!
Also, you might want to check out some of my other tests if you're interested in any of the following:
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Professional Wrestling
Love & Sexuality
America/Politics
Thanks Again! -- THE NERD? GEEK? OR DORK? TEST |
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My test tracked 3 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender:
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You scored higher than 99% on nerdiness |
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You scored higher than 99% on geekosity |
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You scored higher than 99% on dork points |
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SWEET.
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Comments: Add Your Own.
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Tuesday, September 26th, 2006
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so my new schedule. as excited i am for the promotion, this bloody sucks. just when i get promoted walmart changes their hours so the closing shfit is now from 4-12..............except sundays, then its 2-10....soooooooooo much fun. NOT. i wont be able to hang out with anyone ever. chris is SUPER PISSED OFF. probably more so than i am. i also didnt get the weekend i was supposed to go to camp off. which sucks even more. AND(i know this is long), im only getting trained once. and its on a slow day. ONCE to learn alllllllll the computer stuff and how to do end of week, how to pay people, and all that shit. joy to the fucking goddamned world. the only thing i can really do is PRAY that i get skilled people to close with me. cause after i get trained, im closing by myself 2 days later on the busiest day of the week. joy. but on the bright side, ill be getting a lot of money, plus i have authority over people : )
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Tuesday, September 12th, 2006
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So it's official. After working my ass off, i've finally gotten my reward. As of October, I'll have my manager schedule, plus my raise up to $9.00 about. i'm getting trained on closing the walmart store on weekends. I just need to get better at the computer/till stuff and i'm good : D
TEAM LEADER BABY!<3
Besides that, i'm getting about $600 on my next paycheck, plus all my birthday money. School's going good. Digital media is sweet. we're currently making castles/forts in 3D. foods is way awesome. today we made waffles, and yestersday we made biscuits with cheese and pepporoni<3. english is rather boring in class, but we're reading 1984, and it's a pretty good book oddly enough. and comparative religions is rather boring also. im mostly looking forward to the field trips to temples and such.
my schedule isn't so bad at teh moment, but just so you know, i'm gonna lay it out. i usually work fri-mon, teh shifts vary. tuesdays and thursdays i have choir til 5, and wednesdays i'll be having youth group once it starts. hopefully, if i can keep up with my homework, i'll be able to add tae-kwon-do onto tues/thursdays again. i really miss it. but i need to start practicing it again.
hopefully we can all(katrina, lena, carmen) do something for my birthday. im just kidna thinking we should chill here with cheesecake and mario party 2, and possible empire records. but shhhhhhhhhhh no one tell chris.
wish me luck on saving money for all my trips and classes! Ciao^.~
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Wednesday, May 31st, 2006
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I GOT MY L LISCENSE TODAY! FIRST TRY. 95%!!!! BOOYEAH BABY! IM SO PSYCHED! RAWR >.
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Wednesday, January 11th, 2006
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HAPPY BIRTHDAY JAYDE!!!! :D <3
I'D MAKE THE FONT BIGGER BUT I DON'T KNOW HOW :(
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Comments: Read 1 or Add Your Own.
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neonflamingos's journal
flirty.
